TROLL-INSPIRED WEDDING ANNOUNCEMENTS&PRESS RELEASE

[sw10025]

Okay folks, since Beth2000 and myself have been experience troll mocking withdrawal, here is the latest challenge. Write a mock wedding press release/newspaper article for the skater(s) and/or poster(s) of your choice. They can either take the vow with another skater, a MKF poster or the celebrity of your choice. I'll take a feeble crack at it, and then I'll let mano run with it...


OLYMPIC SKATER MICHELLE KWAN WEDS TIMOTHY GOEBEL IN PRIVATE CEREMONY IN MEXICO
<!--EZCODE ITALIC START--> Disassociated Press <!--EZCODE ITALIC END-->
June 27, 2000

PUERTO VALLARTA, Mexico. Olympic figure skating star Michelle Kwan wed fellow American skater Timothy Goebel in a highly secretive, private wedding in Puerto Vallarta earlier today. The bride was beautiful in a stunning sleeveless white velvet skating slip with spaghetti straps designed by Jeff Billings, and their first dance as a married couple was choreographed by Lori Nichol. Kwan's wedding was a surprise to many because the purported purpose of her visit to Mexico was a vacation there with her sister, and few knew of Mr. Goebel's presence in Mexico. Still fewer knew of their engagement, because when asked about it, Ms. Kwan replied that there "had been no engagement".

When asked for further detail about this stunning revelation, Ms. Kwan elaborated: "Yes, there was no engagement. Tim and I have never even dated -- we've always just been friends. There was no romantic involvement whatsoever. But our fans became inordinately preoccupied with our relationship at a competition where Tim gave me a friendly peck on the cheek, they started reading a whole lot into very little every time they saw us in the same room together, and eventually decided we were secretly dating. We read my fan pages, our agents took double blind surveys and public opinion polls, and decided that we had no other choice than to satisfy public demand. We also sought the advice and consent of the USFSA, who wholeheartedly felt that if marriage did Irina so much good, then it would provide both myself and Tim with a great deal of benefit as well. So a deal was struck."

The groom looked dazed and amazed by this unexpected turn of events. "Certainly, I had no idea this was in the works. I'm as surprised as everyone else about this happening. It's all been so sudden, but when duty called, not to mention the USFSA, I answered. But of course, I'm pleased, very pleased, to help out Michelle or American figure skating fans in any way I can."

The bride and groom plan to spend their honeymoon in El Segundo, where Mr. Goebel, a rising U.S. figure skater, will concentrate on ballet lessons and actually figuring out what good posture is, while the bride will devote herself to working on upping her technical ante with new triple triple combinations. The happy couple declined to comment on rumors suggesting that they had signed a prenuptual agreement regarding the custody of Frank Carroll in the event of a dissolution of the marriage.

[Beth2000]

sw10025! Wait until Mano see this. She will run with this. I will have to put some more into mine before I post anything but I will come up with something rest assured

[mano]

Who'da thunk. Made me lose my lunch, but all in a day's work as a JLK. I'll try my luck later on this when I'm at the comforts of my own home.

[sw10025]

Oh come on, mano, I thought that at the very least *you* would be inspired and try to surpass my effort. Haven't those creative juices gotten going yet?

[mano]

I'm in the midst of major craziness at work that requires more OT as usual and it's sucked out my creativity. Notice I haven't written anything for BFFF either so don't worry, this thread will take off with all our TROLL news reports later.

[GMAN]

You guys are just to funny!LOL!!!

[Rosa]

That was great sw10025.

Here goes my attempt:

06-28-00 9:15pm
The Bigamist Herald

"It's Over"

Russian figure skating star Evghney Plushenko was in tears over this cry from fiance Rosa Uglyhead. Ms. Uglyhead cited the reason for the breakup on Plushys refusal to get a haircut. She further states that no self-respecting bigamist would be seen with someone with hair like that.

Sources close to Plushy say he is absolutley crushed since he was sure Rosa could make a man out of him. Still, he says, "nothing, not even becoming a man, is worth cutting my beautiful blonde hair over."

Ms. Uglyhead says that if a gift has already been purchased, it can be forwarded to the Kwan/Goebel household.

[GMAN]

ROTFLOL Rosa!!!!

Here`s a dumb one.

"New time for Grishuk"
06-28-8:23 p.m




Figure skater Pasha Grishuk said today that she is going to retire from figure skating and percue in her sport gymnastics.She says that she has completed her cartwheels and plans to compete in the olympics some day.Pasha says it will take around a year to get to the olympics.Her coach Dirsa Funnyhead from Ukraine and moved to the US two years ago said that Pasha has great cartwheels but in order to compete in the olympics she has to do even harder stuff.When Pasha her the news she said that she thinks that is not true and she said if I don`t get better over 1 month I will quiet and percue in my other sport football.She says if I don`t percue in that I will go and retire from sports and go home to compete in the pie eating contest.

[mano]

uh...sorry, nothing yet, but looks like a lot of talented reporters around so I won't be missed too much.

Rosa, ROFL. Bigamist Herald!!! You go girl. I feel bad for Plushy now.

GMAN, trying to picture Pasha as a Gymnast and a football player, LOL!!!

[Rosa]

I think it is best that Plushy and I split. No one would know who he was when the announcer said:

"And now on the ice, representing Russia, mr rosa #2"

[Amelia]

Mr. U2Asian marries long time love Michelle Kwan! Said Kwan, "I'm so happy to be with my lover boy after all this time! I love him very much." Mr. U2Asian could not be reached for comment, as someone calling himself G Man was tackling him, screaming something along the lines of "Michelle is MINE you DOLT!!!"



xoxoxoxoxo Amelia

[mano]

don't encourage 'em or we'll never hear the end of it.

Oh sw10025, just occurred to me that the screen is stretched. Is it possible if you can use the force, assimilate, or mind meld out some of the "*"s because I think it causes the screen to become wider and I have to scroll to look at everyone's stories. That or you just use the edit button. Thanks.

[michellesmom]

LOL, Amelia! You forgot about the Marine getting ready to put a choke hold on both of 'em.

[skatingfan]

Michelle was left waiting at the alter, while G MAN and u2 were tackling it out.
Meanwhile Jkovner flew in from BALI, he ran up the church steps shouting,
"Michelle, MEECHELLEEE, you can not marry u2, you know it in your heart, you
love ME."

(Sorry jkovner, I cant resist, although you never admit here like G Man that
you have a crush on MK, but you have mentioned several times that Mk
makes you swoon. )

[GMAN]

My hair is all messy,My shirt is ripped,I will keep fighting!!!!!

[amyp3]

I just saw this thread today & got a big kick out of it.
MK & Tim doing whatever it takes for the good ol' USA, huh?

I'm tired but maybe I'll try adding something another day.
thanks again

[GMAN]

Here`s another one!

"I see dead people!"
June 30, 2000 7:29 am

Hello.I`m your reporter today David Lihendsasd and National Champion and world bronze medilist Nicole Bobek has seen dead people.Bobek says that yesterday when she ate dinner she saw Sonja Henie.Henie was the best figure skater in the world Bobek said.Bobek says Henie said "I hate peaches:p !!Why are you eating them?"Bobek said she almost chocked!!Bobek told her coach and she said" !!!"Bobek then said I`ll do the boggy dance!So bobek`s coach(Kerry Leitch)said ok I believe you!!Leitch said "We`ll go to the police together"Leitch and Bobek went to the police and Bobek told the story and the county police said " !!!!!"Bobek was sooooo mad she did the boggy dance!!

Today I sat down with Bobek and this is what I and Nicole said


David-So Nicole what is the boggy dance?

Nicole-It`s a dance that I made up to be funny but everyone got scared of it and screamed.

DAve-Do you really think you saw Sonja Henie?

Nicole-I`m sure!Do you believe me?

Dave-Ya(trying to hold back laughter) !!

Nicole-i`m leaving!Your not much help!

Dave-I`m sorry!!!

Well,here the case is unsolved hopefully Bobek will not see anymore dead people and not see "The Six Sense" to much.Thank you and I`m your reporter David Lihendsasd.

Here`s another little one!

It is three guys that are fighting for Michelle Kwan here at the MK forum and 1 million other people in america,Japan,China,Cuba,and Russia.Including Elian Conzalis(sp?)But here the three guys at the MK forum have the best change they are....Jkovner!!!Gman!!!And.......U2asian!!!

Now how will get the Kwan??

Story unsolved!!!

[sw10025]

Sorry, mano, didn't realize I was causing anyone's screens problems. Its been fixed.

Rosa, I think its best that you and Plushy split up too. I think he's pretty fed up with being No. 2 at this point...

[Rosa]

sw10025 -
Maybe Plushy just wanted to marry me for my choreography skills. Then he wouldn't be number 2 for long.

[sw10025]

Rosa, I'll admit Plushy's choreography could use help, serious help, and would definitely benefit from your touch, but I don't think choreography is necessarily his biggest problem. Choking at the biggest comps is...

[Mordecai71]

You people are HYSTERICAL! I love to sit here and read all this stuff. Wish I was creative enough to do that! Can't wait to see what Mano comes up with!

[justsk8]

Oh man! I usually don't come into Fan Fiction, but I better start. This whole thread is pretty funny.
sw10025, that is absolutely hilarious! I am still
Mano, you better get creative to rival that!

[Beth2000]

um, still haven't come up with anything, um wait. Yes I have.

Mr. Rosa(the real one)comes walking in and finds Plushy. What are you doing here. Plushy looks at him through that bowl haircut and says I am taking lessons from Mrs. Rosa. Mr. Rosa says I don't think so. I won't let her teach you all the things that she taught me through all these years. Plushy says okay I will go find another coach. Plushy leaves and he finds Pasha. Pasha decides to coach Plushy. Plushy decides he likes Pasha and he proposes to Pasha. Pasha agree's to marry him. After a few years of marriage they decide to have children. Their first child looks just like Plushy bowl haircut and all, Pasha tells Plushy I can't take this anymore I can't stand to see another person with this bowl hair cut.

Okay I know it was pretty lame but hey I thought that I would give it a try.

[GMAN]

It`s as lame as all of ours! That was a very funny story

[unique]

I'm not going to write because I will definitely make you fine folks fall asleep.. Just wanted to tell you all that I never laughed soo hard in my life after reading this thread and others.. This made my week after reading all these.. Continue your work of art!!

Unique