YOUR FAVORITE TROLL RECIPIES

[sw10025]

<!--EZCODE BOLD START--> Just so this has at least some connection to figure skating, as required by the board rules, the purpose of this thread is to exchange sacrificial troll recipies -- and light candles -- in honor of the skater of your choice, in the hopes of purging the recent taints from the MK Forum, as well as provide general amusement during the lull of the off season. <!--EZCODE BOLD END-->

Pasta con troll (troll pasta)

Ingredients
Gyoza/potsticker/egg roll wraps (usually available in either the fresh vegetable section or a refrigerated foreign food section of the supermarket)
4 ounces troll meat (may substitute white meat chicken)
White wine
Mortadella (2 ounces)
1 tub shredded parmesan (8 ounces or so) (avoid the Kraft-like "powdered" or "granulated" type -- the salt content is way too high) 5 ounces ricotta cheese (you can use low fat)
Chicken broth (preferably low salt)
Pepper
1 egg (you can use whites only, if you like)
Cornstarch

Cooking Directions
Poach the troll meat in chicken broth and a little white wine until just cooked. Dice and throw in food processor. Shred the mortadella and add to processor. Add the parmesan, ricotta, egg, and pepper to taste. Pulse until mixture becomes a thick paste. Scrape down sides of processor between pulses to incorporate any stray bits.

Mix equal parts cornstarch and water in a small, shallow container. Take one tablespoon of mixture and place in center of gyoza wrap (I like the round ones). Dip finger in cornstarch and water mixture and spread a little around half of the wrap. Fold the gyoza wrap in half, pressing lightly to push out any air pockets, and seal (the cornstarch mixture will act as a glue).

Stuffed pastas can be lightly fried as a tasty snack or can be boiled in chicken broth for an absolutely scrumptious soup. I recommend low-salt broth, or adding water, however, or with evaporation, the soup could get very salty. Bon appetit!

[taf2]

SW, I'm not sure you should use troll meat-doesn't it make your dish come out too gamey to eat?

[sw10025]

Naw, ya just have to make sure to kill them trolls young and then you let em sit in cold milk for an hour or two to get rid of the taste...

[galadrielle]

Please be sure to gut & clean the suckers <!--EZCODE BOLD START--> THOROUGHLY<!--EZCODE BOLD END-->.
Troll dishes are sorta like blow fish specials.
Delicacies requiring much fuss, and time consuming.
Never tried soaking them in cold milk before.
Thanks for the tip, SW.
Come to think of it, I did hear that some troll aficionados actually tie up the young trolls in dark rooms until they are fit to be slaughtered, to make sure they don't get too tough.

I usually just boil them for a few minutes to get the grease out first.

[sw10025a]

I would never tie up a troll in a dark closet until it was ready for sacrifice. Remember, we at the MKF advocate only the most humane method of despatch for our chicken and troll sacrifices (preferably Kosher). Best to dump 'em in boiling water, even if they are a tad too small. Besides, it minimizes the possibility of their escape under an assumed name...

[mano]

HELLO NOW! WILL ADD SOMETHING INTELLIGENT LATER! BUT DON'T HOLD YOUR BREATH!

LOL, I like this topic. You know, I never really got to contribute to the chicken sacrifice one. I'm still procrastinating.

[Googoo]

5 ounces sliced troll meat from your local grocer
1/2 cup lemon juice
1/4 teaspoon pepper and seasoned salt
1/2 cup onions

Cooking Directions:
Remove troll meat from package
Stare at troll meat
Get a meat mallet/hammer and beat it rapidly for 20 minutes.
Put meat in blender for 15 minutes and watch it whiiiir and spin
Remove meat and pour lemon juice on it to disinfect.
Add seasonings and onions.
Place seasoned meat in frying pan (sprayed with Pam) and cook on medium heat for 30 minutes.
Go read the Michelle Kwan Forum.
When you catch the whiff of cooking meat and seasonings, turn off burner.
Pour meat into a big red bowl.
Whistle and say "hear Sparky! Here girl!"
Put bowl on floor and allow Sparky to eat.

[skatingfan]

I understand that you worry about troll meat being too gamey, it is a bit gamey.
Since trolls are spineless and gutless, their meat is rather easy to prepare. Troll recipes
fit our fast pace way of life.

LittlePeb, if you are reading this thread, please consider deleting the chicken recipe that
was submitted by a Pod from your page. thanks.

[littlepebbles1]

Yep, I'm reading the thread. The reason I left the recipe on my page was because I thought it was very funny that after all this stuff with the "contributing party", it was still helping Michelle in a way. Who knows, maybe someone made the recipe and helped Michelle win worlds. :lol I planned to leave it there unless the c.p. e-mailed me or left a message specifically asking me to take the recipe off. :evil But if it upsets you very much to have that recipe on my page, I will take it off for you.

[skatingfan]

What does c. p means.
No proble, leave it there, I think it will be good for historic reasons to leave it there.

[sw10025a]

I recently looked at that page and was slightly chagrined to see that particular contributor, but I have a MUCH, MUCH better solution. Instead of deleting that person or their entry, but the following in parentheses after their username:

pod name (WHO PROFESSES TO BE THE ALL TIME BIGGEST MICHELLE FAN IN HISTORY)

put it in big red bold type. Give her a place of honor and distinction on your web page. :evil

[mano]

I like Googoo's "MALLET" action!!! I can just that do all day!!! AND I like evil sw10025. I'm all for it. Remember, I'm a sith and was related to Darth Maul's better half.

Hey, BTW, all you cooks. I suggest for TROLL BURGERS that you mince your own Troll meat and I'll tell you why. The local Troll Butcher doesn't take away the fat AND we all know Trolls are very FATTY, especially in the brain. That, plus it takes away the satisfaction of doing the mincing yourself. Here's how to MINCE your own TROLL MEAT:

1. <!--EZCODE BOLD START--> Trim the meat.<!--EZCODE BOLD END--> using a very SHARP knife, cut the Troll meat away from the bone, oh...wait, forgot Trolls are spineless so there aren't any bone. Must be a tumor. Okay cut the meat away from the tumor. Cut along the muscle dividing it into lean sections. Remember, Troll meat is mostly fat so there aren't a lot to lean meat. Thus I suggest you purchase, oh...300 pounds of meat to make 1 pound. Good choice cut is the up Chuck since mincing it makes it perfectly tender Troll meat. (Tender Troll, talk about an oxyMORON!!!)

2. <!--EZCODE BOLD START--> Cubing.<!--EZCODE BOLD END--> Again, with a sharp knife trim off every trace of fat and memBRAIN (yeah apparently a Troll's brain is usually scattered all over) and cut the trimmed lean meat coarsely into fairly small cubes. The mincing will proceed more swiftly if you start with the meat pieces in roughly uniform size. (Takes some skill since Troll Meat come in all weird shapes and sizes and are almost always too stubborn to conform to anything.)

3. <!--EZCODE BOLD START--> Mincing.<!--EZCODE BOLD END--> Now comes the fun part. Spread the cubed Troll meat in a single layer and CHOP it with a matched pair of heavy, sharp knives, moving them alternately and rhythmically as if beating an EMPTY drum. Mince the TROLL meat to your hearts desire or what the recipe dictates. BTW, a Troll Meat grinder will do the same trick, but those machines are expensive since it is made specially to handle even the TOUGHEST Troll Meat.

[Di75]

VEGETARIAN SPRING TROLLS

Here is an alternative for those of you who'd prefer to stay clear of fatty troll meat. How are the trolls involved you ask? Well, in this recipe, we're gonna put 'em to work. Gather as many trolls as you can. It will take several to complete each task, because of their lack of sense, so get as many as you find.

ingredients:
CABBAGE--sauteed and chopped up--carefully give the trolls knives and leave them to start chopping
CARROTS--these need to be small enough pieces so that they are not firm.
ONIONS--these need to be extremely small as well--So, have the trolls chop and chop until they are crying and whining uncontrollably.
BROCCOLI--chop into small florettes--just ignore any whining or crying you may hear from your workers
MINT LEAVES--have the trolls remove all stems. This is a very tedious and time consuming process--again, you need several trolls.
RICE NOODLES--cook in boiling water until just done--put aside.
ROLL WRAPPERS--They are fragile; keep them flat and handle them gently. DO NOT let the trolls near them. They will likely mess them up. Carefully wrap prepared ingredients.

and for the carnivores, you may add:
TROLL MEAT: sacrifice one worker and, well, do what you wish.
*very important* see mano's post for proper preperation technique

Once you've carefully wrapped the rolls, they are ready to enjoy. :)

[sw10025]

Di75, perhaps its best to stick to free range trolls. More exercise, less fat...